I’d read all the books and had tricks up my sleeve
I knew she would do it if we’d all just believe.
The neighbor boy was trained starting at 1.
His mom told me, straight-faced, “Don’t worry, it’s fun!
And you have a girl? Oh yeah, what a snap!”
But I’ll tell you one thing – She was so full of crap.
We started with “boot camp,” then stickers and charts
Bribing with candy – each one a false start.
Pull-ups, bare bottom, or fancy underwear,
She went where she wanted, she just didn’t care.
“What’s wrong with you?” I’d scream. “You’re almost 3!”
“Seriously, Mom, who cares where I pee?”
(Ok, this isn’t word for word
But basically, that’s what I heard.)
Then one day, I’m inspecting a wrinkle
When from behind me, I hear it – a tinkle!
“Baby! You did it! This is more than sublime.”
“Yeah, like I said, Mom, all in due time.”