Adventures in Potty Training

I’d read all the books and had tricks up my sleeve
I knew she would do it if we’d all just believe.

The neighbor boy was trained starting at 1.
His mom told me, straight-faced, “Don’t worry, it’s fun!

And you have a girl? Oh yeah, what a snap!”
But I’ll tell you one thing – She was so full of crap.

We started with “boot camp,” then stickers and charts
Bribing with candy – each one a false start.

Pull-ups, bare bottom, or fancy underwear,
She went where she wanted, she just didn’t care.

“What’s wrong with you?” I’d scream. “You’re almost 3!”
“Seriously, Mom, who cares where I pee?”

(Ok, this isn’t word for word
But basically, that’s what I heard.)

Then one day, I’m inspecting a wrinkle
When from behind me, I hear it – a tinkle!

“Baby! You did it! This is more than sublime.”
“Yeah, like I said, Mom, all in due time.”

November 13, 2018 4

Enough (part II)

Your bald head fit perfectly in my palm,
and the first time you opened your eyes,
you saw me.

I had just awakened from a dream
I’d been having my whole life
to find that it was true.

It was you.

My world tilted to meet
the lazy lean of your head,
and I used my wrist as your neck.

You yawned,
the jet-lagged yawn of birth,
not yet knowing what it is to be awake.

I watched in wonder as you slept,
your first real breaths
an imperfect rhythm.

Nine months of doubt
were cast away in a moment
as my knuckle brushed your velvet cheek,
and for the first time,
I trusted myself not to fail.

November 5, 2018 2

Enough (part I)

I hold your bald head in my hand,
your cheekbone pressed against my palm.
I wipe away the line of sweat
from where your eyebrows used to be.

A new sun begins to creep
through the blinds.
We made it through another night.

I tear yesterday from the calendar,
knowing the ripping won’t stir you
from your drug-soaked sleep.

The calendar marks the 20th day
of many yet to come
away from home, retching in your sleep,
fighting in your dreams the
relentless cells the doctors call “cancer.”

If only one word could summarize
the relief I wake to when I see
your chest rise and fall.

Your ring doesn’t fit anymore.
Your fingers swelled exponentially
as your legs began to atrophy,
so I brought a picture of us at sunset
the day we took our youngest to college.
It will never grow too big for the frame.

Your friends call, say How is she? and
When is she coming home?
My optimism chokes me, and I cry,
if I can, when I’m alone.

October 29, 2018 0

Should I go to law school?: 10 things to consider before taking the LSAT

I’m a lawyer. I earned a law degree from an accredited institution, and I passed the bar exam in my home state. My license to practice law is hanging in a frame on the wall of my office where I work as in-house counsel for a financial institution. That license is a symbol of one of my life’s greatest achievements and a source of significant pride for me. But if I’m totally honest, if Warren Buffett walked into my office and said, “give me that frame and I will pay off your student loans,” I would leap over my desk like a rabid snow monkey to rip that thing off the wall and hand it to him.

I can’t say I regret going to law school. It has given me an ability to understand and analyze the inter-workings of our society in a way that typically only trained attorneys can or bother to do. It was three years of my life in which I grew up, fell in love with the law (as well as my future husband), and worked harder academically than I ever had to before. And yet, with the benefit of hindsight, I am fairly certain I would make a different choice if I had it to do all over again.

If you are considering going to law school, here’s my advice to you.

Do NOT go to law school if:

1. You want to help people for a living.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way insinuating that lawyers don’t help people. They do. Every. Single. Day. But if what moves you is using your own two hands to make a difference in people’s lives, I would warn against a law career. For me, the ‘helping people’ part ended up feeling too tenuous and, by design, driving change within the law is slow and difficult.
2. You have to take out student loans.
This is the one that really makes me want to go back in time and slap my younger self in the face. Student loans are not free money! They have to be paid back, and the payment amounts often offset any increase in salary a law degree might get you. Get scholarships, convince your rich relative to pay, save up before you go. Just think long and hard and put pencil to paper before you put on the golden handcuffs of student loans.
3. You are trying to prove you are smart.
Yep, it’s magical. Once you get into law school (and even more so after you pass the bar exam), people automatically think you’re a different degree of smart. Some refer to it as “the presumption of brilliance.” Okay, I just made that up, but I promise it is a real thing. This is not a reason to go to law school! There are so many (much cheaper) ways for the world to know you’re smart.
4. You don’t know what else to do.
Ah, the old credo, “you can do anything with a law degree.” I fell for that one. I had a B.A in English and didn’t want to teach. People said “lawyers do a lot of writing” and “a law degree is never a bad thing to have.” They weren’t wrong, but the kind of writing lawyers do is a style all its own, and while a law degree isn’t bad, see #2 above.
5. You thrive on creativity.
Of course, there are ways to use creativity in a legal career. However, if you’re like me and feel called to create, studying law may stifle that calling, at least temporarily. Personally, I think I shut down the right part of my brain during law school and a few years beyond. A big part of that was just not having the time or energy to tap into “the muse.” It wasn’t until I took deliberate steps to get it back that I realized how much I missed it.

One the flip side, DO go to law school if:

6. Someone else is paying for it.
If this is the case, just do it and disregard everything I just said. Seriously.
7. You have shadowed or interned for various types of attorneys.
If you have seen the day to day life of an attorney up close and personal and you can see yourself being fulfilled by that work, then you are making an informed, eyes wide open decision. I support that.
8. You are taking over the family practice.
My husband and I are both the first attorneys in our families, so I have no idea what this would be like. I can imagine, though, if law is a family tradition, and you have the opportunity to walk into a successful business with a plethora of family support, it might be a no-brainer.
9. You want to run for political office.
Being a lawyer is not a prerequisite for running, but I think it would be extremely helpful if your goal is to hold political office.
10. It’s your dream.
I am fully supportive of people following their dreams. I feel incredibly lucky that my dream, being a writer, is completely within my control. All I have to do is write. Check! If your dream is to be a lawyer, or if you have always just wanted to go to law school, chasing your dream gets way more complicated. If it truly is your dream, then do it! Just don’t do it blind. Understand that your dream may not align with reality.

As for me, I will continue to be as proud of my law license as I am frustrated by my student loan payments.

October 29, 2018 3

Should I Have More Kids?

I can’t tell you how many hours, days, and even years I have spent brain wrestling myself over this one. But finally, I found my answer. Not with the flip of a switch, but gradually, like waiting in the half-darkness of a neighborhood bonfire, moving my lawn chair around as I squinted through the smoke, finally seeing the white hot embers of a fire in ideal marshmallow-roasting condition.

That’s how I found my answer. Spoiler alert: I didn’t find yours. If you are looking for someone to answer this question for you, let me send you a coupon for a magic 8-ball. While I don’t have answers for you, I can relate, and I will give you advice. I know what these brain-wrestling matches look like, and maybe the questions that helped me the most can help you too.

First, I want to acknowledge the privilege of being able to ponder this question. The ability to conceive a child when you want to is a gift that so many people have not been given. I write this post knowing it is a moot question for too many. Truth be told, it was one reason I felt like I should have more kids. For all those moms-in-waiting who can’t have their babies or lose their babies or continue to wait for their babies, why would I not want to have more kids? What greater gift is there than growing life inside your own body? Take advantage of that privilege, dummy! On the other hand, I am one of few women I know who has not had to face the loss of a pregnancy. And why, when I have two healthy children, why would I want to risk that? Be satisfied with what you have, dummy!

As someone who has made this impossible decision, here’s my advice to you.

1. Listen to Your Heart

I remember one mom of three telling me that after she had two, “I looked in the rear view mirror, and I just knew there was an empty seat. Our family wasn’t complete.” How magical is that? I thought for sure I would have that feeling too.
After my first, I said to everyone who would listen, it’s going to be a LONG time before I do that again. But 3 years later when I laid eyes on my second daughter, I felt it so clearly, we are definitely going to do this again. (Apparently, planned C-sections don’t illicit the same snarky exhaustion as a 30 hour labor). But here we are, over four years later, and we haven’t done it again. And we won’t. The heart may be your guide, but it’s fickle.

2. Listen to Your Head

Think about the risks. Do you or your partner have any health issues? How have your other pregnancies been? How old are you?
Let’s be real. Since I’m talking to women who already have a child or two here, please consider that you are needed. If your last pregnancy almost physically killed you or mentally wore you down to the brink of a breakdown, consider that. Your pre-existing kid(s) need you.

3. Listen to Your Wallet

I know, this is so lame. But kids are expensive! Now, if you are one of those families who thrives on minimalism, makes your own clothes, and considers coupon-cutting an exciting Sunday afternoon, kudos to you! I sincerely admire that. But for the rest of you shameful consumers like me, things add up. Sometimes it is not even the things you choose, but it’s things like medical bills or high-priced organic hemp baby formula. The point is, the expenses can be unpredictable, so make sure you are prepared to take it on. Financial stress is toxic and truly is no laughing matter.

4. Listen to Your Family

If your partner in life is adamant about having or not having more kids, you need to listen. What are they truly seeking? Why do they feel so strongly?
And of course, listen to your existing kids. It might not be in their words (if they even have words yet), but you likely have an inkling as to how full your hands are. What will be the effect of another sibling on your existing ones?
Don’t forget about the grandparents if you are lucky enough to have them. Especially if they are heavily involved with the children and/or you depend on them for childcare on a regular basis, the effect on them should probably be considered. The status of your support system (i.e. the proverbial “village” that it takes) is a key factor in raising healthy children.

5. Keep Listening

Sometimes it is hard to hear your own voice over the din of other people’s opinions. Keep trying. Ask yourself, am I making my decision for the wrong reasons? As a lawyer, I fully understand we could argue all day about what the definition of a “wrong” reason is, but as a woman and a mother, might I suggest that the only wrong reason is one that’s not your own.
If you’re not having more kids because you are terrified every time the child you have gets a cold and you know deep down that your heart can’t handle more sleepless nights, then who is to say that’s the wrong reason?
If you want to have four kids because you can’t stand the thought of an odd number, who is to say that’s the wrong reason?
If you’ve always longed for an idyllic holiday season when a big group of adult children comes home to reunite, who can say that’s the wrong reason?

I think all we can do is acknowledge that this decision will be different for each family. In the end, there are just as many pros as cons, but the weight of those pros and cons depends upon who you are, what you believe, and what your circumstances are.
For me, I got comfortable with occasionally doubting my decision not to have another kid. Some days, I can tangibly feel that doubt coursing through me, my arms aching for the weight of a sleeping baby. But eventually, it shakes off of me somehow…
I guess the high-pitched screaming about who hit who first and whose turn it is with the remote kind of helps.

October 25, 2018 1

Blueberry Maple Overnight Oats

I have such a love/hate thing going on with breakfast. I mean, DONUTS. Need I say more? Can’t live without ‘em…can’t eat ‘em everyday. So, what are we to do the other 6 days of the week when we are scrambling out the door with one shoe on and half-dried hair feeling lucky that the office supplies semi-drinkable coffee? That’s where these beauties come in. I prep a whole batch of mason jar oats on a Sunday, and the hubby and I are both set for the week (leaving Friday open for donuts, of course.)

There are countless ways to make overnight oats, so feel free to sub things out and get creative. This is what I have found to be easy for me to make, packs my morning with protein, and tastes good enough to make me want to eat it 4 days a week.

First, the oats – so controversial. Seriously, why so much drama with the oats? Anyway, there are some great articles out there about how you can soak them overnight to make them easier to digest, and there is plenty of debate about whether to go with old fashioned, steel cut, organic, or some other type of grain or grain substitute. I’m just trying to make your morning a little easier, so I will skip the oat essay. Most recently, I happened to use steel cut oats I bought in bulk. And this batch, I didn’t soak overnight, but sometimes I do. Either way, you still end up cooking them according to the package directions, then add pure maple syrup and some cinnamon.

Now, the “goop.” I will try to figure out how to add another photo into this blog so you can see my layers, but the goop is key. The base of the goop is plain Greek yogurt. In my opinion, the higher fat content, the better it tastes. Mix up your favorite vanilla protein powder with some almond milk (or regular milk if you prefer), then mix that into the yogurt. Don’t mix the protein powder directly into the yogurt. It will feel like you are eating sand. No one likes that. Dump the goop over the oats. Sounds appetizing, right? Just trust me on this.

Last, the toppings. Chopped walnuts are an awesome addition nutrition and flavor-wise. Fruit is a must to add more sweetness and flavor. I used to always do fresh blueberries, but one day I ran out and threw some frozen mixed berries in there, and it actually worked better! Now I use either frozen mixed berries or frozen blueberries. The mixed ones are more flavorful, but the plain blueberries make it this gorgeous purple color when you mix it up. And starting your morning by eating something purple is just kind of magical.

Recipe (8 servings):

The oats:

4 C oats, prepared – Add 1/2 C in bottom of small mason jar

1/4 C pure maple syrup – mix into prepared oats

Also add cinnamon, to taste.

The “goop”:

2 C plain Greek yogurt (the fatter, the better)

1 scoop vanilla protein powder mixed into 1 cup almond (or regular) milk until dissolved.

Mix the yogurt with the milk mixture.

Put 1/4 C “goop” over the oats in each jar.

Toppings:

Add chopped walnuts, if desired, to each jar.

Add fresh fruit right away or frozen fruit the morning of.

When you’re ready for breakfast, mix it all up together and eat cold.

September 26, 2018 0

The Curse of the Cozy Womb

My stomach is squished
There’s no room for food
I’m constantly fighting
A very bad mood

My face has grown jowls
My pants barely fit
No energy for standing
But it hurts when I sit

My belly keeps growing
My skin showing marks
I swear as I’m walking
I’m throwing off sparks

I keep growing outward
My back caving in
It feels like this baby
could break through my skin

I see other people
Mask their confusion
When my shirt suddenly forms
an oblong protrusion

As I laugh it off as
“she’s saying hello”
I see genuine fear
That my belly might blow.

My womb must be cozy
A place of pure joy
If only you’d learn
My ribs aren’t a toy

Nor is my bladder
Your own trampoline
Sometimes I wonder
Can a fetus be mean?

My aches and my pains
Soreness and swelling
How does this make
For your comfortable dwelling?

It does me no good
To cry or to shout
Sooner or later
You’ll have to come out

I know this discomfort
Is worth it for you,
But I promise you this –
My arms are cozy too.

September 25, 2018 1

Dear Brother

The bike sale ended on your birthday,

and we both knew they coudn’t hide it from me.

Pink with sparkles, a horse’s mane of colors

streaming from the handlebars.

You taught me how to ride it that day –

took off the training wheels,

and held onto the banana boat seat

while I pedaled with twitching legs.

Running beside me, you guided my steering.

You knew every crack and bump on our block.

You loosened your grip,

and as tears rushed from my eyes,

I pled with you

not to let go.

My handlebars wobbled,

you smiled,

and through wind-flooded ears I heard you say,

Keep going. Just keep going.

September 24, 2018 1

Butternut Squash Ravioli with Brown Butter Sauce

Warning: This is not your typical recipe blog. I am not claiming to be a great cook. Gordon Ramsay would be so appalled at my knife skills, he wouldn’t even be able to blast me with a string of his famous profanities. I am impatient with recipes, I have random food allergies, and I am notorious for forgetting to pick up the things on my shopping list. I love to cook, though, and sometimes it turns out!

This dish was one of those occasions. I grabbed some pre-made butternut squash ravioli just because it sounded like fall. I think I’ve finally gotten sick of pumpkin spiced everything, but butternut squash is just a whole different beast. Just be careful if you try ever try to peel one yourself. Last year, I almost took my pinky off and have since vowed to buy mine pre-cut…or better yet, already inside of ravioli.

I boiled up the ravioli and let it sit in the strainer with a little olive oil so it didn’t stick together, then I got started on the sauce. You could certainly do the sauce while you’re waiting for the ravioli, but the cook time on the ravioli is so short that I knew I would get distracted and either overcook the ravioli or burn the sauce, so I just did them separately.

I’ve never made a brown butter sauce before. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a brown butter sauce before, but it seems to be pretty popular on Masterchef, so what the heck.

I started out with 1/4 cup butter in a pan, slowly heating it so it browned but didn’t burn. As the butter was heating up, it started spitting everywhere, so I switched to a bigger pan in the middle of it all. At that point, I was sure this sauce was doomed, but we had to eat something, so I kept going. It takes awhile for the butter to brown up, and it’s kind of a weird thing to watch if you have never experienced it. I kept thinking, is this right? What is that brown stuff? Is the bottom of my pan flaking off? Am I poisoning my family? Oh! That’s what brown butter looks like, dummy!

I didn’t have heavy cream like a real chef, so I dumped a cup of skim milk in there and hoped for the best. Then I grabbed my little shaker of sage leaf and said a quick prayer that sage doesn’t expire. I let it all simmer together for a minute or two, then added 1/4 cup of parmesan from the green shaker thing plus some salt and pepper. I actually do have an amazing herb garden (with lots of mojito mint), so I threw in some fresh parsley too. I spooned it over the ravioli, and voila! Dinner is served!

I honestly don’t even know if the photo looks appetizing to anyone else, but I do know that my hubby dug around for an extra piece of bread so he could get every last drop off his plate. I just went ahead and licked mine.

Recipe:

1/4 cup butter – brown this up in a BIG pan, stir a lot for 5+ minutes.

Then add:

1 cup skim milk &

1 tbsp sage leaf

Simmer all together until milk is warmed through, then add:

1/4 Parmesan cheese

Parsley, if you have it

S&P

Serve over ravioli. Boom. Dinner.

September 19, 2018 0

About Lilacs in Bloom

Lilacs are my favorite flower. These delicate buds grow in bunches that look like soft, purple clouds when they bloom. And the smell…there may be nothing closer to Heaven. Here in South Dakota, lilacs bloom for a very short time in early summer. Sometimes, they seem to come and go within a week or two. And so it is with our lives.

From the depths of your heart to the top of your lungs
sing until every song has been sung

Collect your mistakes and wear them like medals
Breathe in the flowers and count all the petals

Smile til the wrinkles won’t fall from your eyes
Stand for what’s right til it’s not a surprise

Let the light enter where darkness has veiled
and hope against odds when all else has failed

Breathe it all in while the air is still sweet
And cherish each day with your kids at your feet

Write it all down so they’ll know what you did
Leaving a glimpse of the life that you lived

Tomorrow’s impatient, arriving too soon
There’s just today, while the lilacs are in bloom.

September 12, 2018 0